So procrastination brings me back to my Xanga site. I doubt anybody that used to read my shit still does. But o well, its for me and my procrastination anyways... Hit it big on youtube, have a girlfriend. Life sucks though, I hate school, Its forever hard to get take the steps to get into college (probably because I end up doing things like this...procrastinate) Even though I want to leave this place, and be in New York, live the college life, and be with my girlfriend, I still put off tending to what is needed to get there. And they say if you want something bad enough, you'll do it in dew time, but it seems as though habitual downfalls overpower wants. At least to me, I dont think my girlfriend believes that though. Im in debt! To Bank of America for overdrafts from buying candy. To my hairdresser for missing an appointment, I owe 25$. And to my Chase for my new credit card. Thankfully I've been working decent hours. So it feels like a lil reunion to be back on Xanga. I was gonna put up videos of me and my girlfriend but eh not that serious, whomever cares can find me on youtube. Did I say that I hate school? Spanish class is horrible. I hate it. Seriously. I dread every minute that I remain in that classroom. Thats about it. I need go to the doctors, but I've been needing it for about a year now. I feel like a old man thatt dreads his checkup knowing that something is wrong. Wonder where my life with take me regarding health. And professional career, that will be interesting to see how it unfolds. I think Im done writing.. It was nice. To write..
So, So, So...I woke up late today, at 9 exacty. And class is at 930, so Im hoping my mom cuts slack and lets me chill. Yesterday, I stayed up till 2 and I thought it was only 12. I uploaded a grip of blogs, but I'll just write out what happened. My dad has been bullshiting for the past week, just coming up flabbergasting ideas to make his parenting worse. So yesterday, they buy some food for each of us. Now Im upstairs in my room YouTube-ing, and doing homework for majority of the afternoon (and I wasnt even hungry, feel me?). So when my stomach starts d turning I go to get my food. And turns out my dad gave it away because "i didnt want it. and it was out there for a long time" Now it isnt even about the food, its about his utter unwillingness to care all the time. Lord knows I wanted to hurt him. He really doesnt care at all and Im not going to give examples but he's fucked up and his ass shoulda been sterile. I cried. And did things which basically said if I happen to die, oh well. I cussed out a drive thru lady (Can you take my fucking order please?!) I did apologize later as I cried at the drive thu window. (No shame in my game niggah, yeah I cried) So yeah, I made videos about it obviously. Im not upset now, I still have anger towards the bitch. Always will.
Anyways, this girl whom has been writing me on Youtube, is going to commit suicide. What did I get myself into huh? Im not good at inspirational speechs, but damn. I wonder if she's just bullshiting, but Im def giving her the benefit of the doubt. Because I've been there.
I'm so tired of school. And writing essays. I want to work full time after the semester ends, but I dont know. I've been horny more frequently, I haven't had sex in a minute yall, Im sure the fact that homegirl is going to visit me during Xmas and our history of sharing good ass passionate sex is to blame. I need a new girl though, my shy ass aint getting no type of play. When I see girl Ima get out all that I been holding in though. She's expecting me to have a car by then, Im expecting myself to have a car by then.. Im hoping that Im going to have enough saved by Feb/Mar to move the fuck out and never look back. But with the car and my moms $150 gift a celly bill for December, and my job cutting hours. I dont know!!!!
a kid feels bad abandoning the xanga after i just got it started. my youtube link is d page somewhere if you tryna check it.
this was yesterday, me just showing a few things i picked up the day after turkey day. i got up at 640, was the mall by 715, back at home by like 9 or something..so how lazy have i gotten dont even write shit for the xanga just post my youtube videos. lol. i work today at shopko 5 to 12. im happy. dont even care i work till 12 at night. its money. i dont work one day next week which is some grade a bullshit. they told me i could get in 25 hours a week. and yall aint giving me one day? ima have a talk with them. i know im only tempurary but damn dont say one thing and do the next, please?
My room is truly my green kingdom. My nature room. My calming closet. And at times, like this moment, I become upset that I can't have it to myself. I have realized a few seconds ago that I dont like sharing my bed. Especially not with my 18 month nephew cutting off circulation to one of my arms. Not matter how much I love him. And not with a person who has no intelligent liking in television shows. Reality shows, Top Model, General Hospital, BET, MTV, Girlfriends, Sienfield, etc. I hate all of these shows. Top Model is cool, but I'll be damned we we're going to watch the whole fucking rerunned season cause you missed it. So that is my rant. I wouldn't mind sharing a bed with a lovely lady. Today, I had an orientation for ShopKo. I obvioulsy got the job, work tomorrow. Im happy, its a real - common job. Im nervous about working as a cashier. And what if somebody calls me Sir? I mean I know just not going to correct them. But what if somebody else hears? or if they notice the mistake? I'll not worry about it. Today I was on the go- go, all day. Buying pizza, returning clothes, searching for an appropriate shirt to wear for work. I went to the mall, and saw this girl which I like. Let me just recap our history...Smiles and eye contact at the mall, then the same day on the bus. Next occasion, spotted her at the mall, after I got the guts to talk to her, I saw her driving off, I talked to her friend about her, ghetto name which I cant remember, she works at Steve and Barrys. She told me to come by following day to talk to her. Which I didnt do. You gotta build suspense and not seem desperate and all of that right?... Well, I saw her. Didnt talk to her. Didnt smile at her. Acted as if I didnt realize her. So yeah, shy pimp status. I got $300 in the bank, so thats whats up.
So, a video I created yesterday? Out of total boredom, obviously. My mic is fucked up so I couldnt make a blog today. Highly Upset!
hay haay hay! the youtube video worked. so i assumed that, because it
didnt show in my text box here. that it wouldnt show. but ehh im wrong.
so yeah. thats a video from yesterday... soo nothing to write right now. i just discovered that youtube ish so i guess thats all you can entertain yourself with.
I'm shy. And it probably doesn't help that I tend to have my headphones glued to my ears. 19 years old, African American, pretty queer, with too many interests to know where my road is leading. I tend to think on subjects alot, sometimes to much, hopefully I discover love n happiness within myself and out of life. This is my diary of thoughts & I intend to be blunt. blahh blaah, Read & See.
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